Essay 1 – Thoughts on How to Write my Autobiography
I have for many years intended to write my
autobiography! However, a simple chronological
line never allows me the freedom to express myself as I’d wish. That anomaly seems to be due to a failure on
my part to shape my non-linear life to ‘fit’ the linear requirements of a
standard chronological autobiography! Is
this just the way my mind works – shooting off at almost impossible – seemingly
unrelated - tangents? That may well be
the case; or it may simply be a true reflection of my individual reality.
Let me clarify – verbal and written communications are
strange affairs at the best of times.
All forms of communication have a long history – and all have their own
experts, who often disagree, even on the basic facts. As an example, I nominate the vexing question
of when and how verbal communication began?
The development of written communication is somewhat clearer, but even
then, world-wide, there are still many mysteries surrounding the development and
mastery of these very human skills.
Perhaps if I start with an analogy it might help explain
my predicament: for example, my academic weakness is mathematics. As much as I enjoy a numerical tussle, my
actual knowledge of algebraic formula and rules is - to all intents and
purposes – that of an illiterate! I
have more than a passing interest in physics - which often requires at least a
basic understanding of formulae of various types. As soon as I see these baffling
hieroglyphics, I find myself floundering like a four year old on his first day in
kindergarten. Whilst I understand a
concept in its most basic form – and will have a good stab at formally verbalizing
a concept - not having the skills to reduce the idea to a succinct formula
leaves me totally bereft of the understanding intended by the mathematical author
of the original idea.
Spoken and written communication – in
its contrasting formats of formal and informal genres adds to the challenge. Informal communication is that which occurs
between friends at a party; on the other hand, formal being that used in an
office meeting. The informal use of
language or conversation can be enormous fun – full of expletives of the most
delightful shades and full-blown colour!
Purists or prudes, will often say – those who swear lack
the word power to express themselves correctly.
I disagree entirely. There are
those with wonderful regional accents, whose conversations just wouldn’t be the
same if left bare of expletives. Imagine
a Glaswegian, such as comedian Billy Connolly, in a conversation not containing
the ‘F’ bomb – or an Irishman conversing without a few ‘feck dis’ or ‘bastard dat’
– thrown in! Unadorned intelligent
conversation can be simply boring – but livened up with a colourful little verb
or adverb – the exchange takes on a whole new descriptive aspect. A formally dry or lackluster account suddenly
takes on a novel life of its own. The
conversation becomes picture-like and startlingly clear in the mind of the
listener(s). It matters not, of course,
that each listener’s mental image bears no relation to the others – as far as
we can know! I will admit, as an
addendum, the use of expletives, tends to be ‘shocking’ in nature. Perhaps the
‘shock value’ helps focus the listener’s concentration on what is taking place
within the verbal exchange.
This then becomes the ‘art of conversation’; the ability
to either play an audience or be as boring as bat-shit. The onus remains on the speaker not to overplay
their hand! Being a ‘conversation hog’
in an informal situation can be just plain dreary! Conversation may be guided by one ‘life and
soul of the party’, but anecdotes should be shared equally by all.
Therefore, it is not so much my desire to swear or cuss
as the mood requires - directing the dialogue – but rather the freedom to
follow the diversions that occur naturally in any conversation, any life, any
tale or any individual reality. This has
to be achieved as succinctly and naturally as possible – exactly like the
mathematical formula. My ‘autobiography’ has
to make sense regardless of where in the world it travels, or whatever emotions
the stories include! Is that too
demanding for an author intent on reflecting his past life? I think not – if the formula is the correct
one.
I think each period or subject – loosely speaking -
should be treated as an essay in its own right.
If the collection of essays ends up forming ‘chapters’ in a greater tome
- so much the better; if the essays overlap – so what – that’s lifelike too.
The necessary thread of individuality needs to run
through each essay – allowing the reader to walk away with the greater overall
picture as the reader pieces together the contents of each essay. Again, each reader will form an entirely
different mental opinion or empathy with the dialogue, based on their own
individual reality and life experiences; and that’s as it should be.
A reinforcing analogy occurs to me at this point…imagine
if you will, an actor with a script. The
film is being shot in a studio or on location.
Each scene is carefully and individually constructed. Each character is faithfully moulded through
each consecutive scene to suit the storyline.
The film and its characters unfold scene upon scene – never each scene
in isolation. Always the thread –
achieved maybe by time lapse or flashbacks – chronological time becomes
irrelevant. All stories are - if you
like – ‘compressions of individual reality’.
Rarely does the character have a regular need to visit the toilet or
pass wind – unless it is actually part of the story; such mundane trivia is normally
left to the individual imagination.
Very often there is an overwhelming need to travel to a seemingly
unrelated scene – a different part of the globe – another planet – or wherever
– to make the story unfold in the desired way.
This is a reflection on how ‘life’ really is! Nothing occurs in isolation! In our human understanding – there is never
an action without a reaction. No chicken
– no egg – no egg – no chicken. Nothing
occurs in a vacuum – there is ALWAYS a beginning and ALWAYS an end; to think
otherwise is the road to insanity. Our
very lives are nothing less than a continuing series of interwoven intellectual
experiences – each built into and upon the other – each new experience directly
related to the circumstances in which the previous experience occurred. We may have two entirely different
characters, each appearing in a similar story that starts….NOW! What they do NEXT depends entirely on the
direct previous experience(s) of the individual. Therefore – no matter what the storyline –
that story is without fail, going to be different with each telling.
Those individual differences may be minimal or vast, depending
on many things – not least of all culture, gender, geographical orientation, even
physical size and strength or lack of it!
I’m sure that with a little thought, one could come up
with an unlimited list of events that would impact directly on anyone’s life
story – or any part of it. It is this
historical elasticity that interests me.
The flexibility to relate one part of the story to another seemingly unrelated event; this is the
way all life stories unfold daily!
The overall point is, personally, I find it difficult to
write in a straight uncomplicated line; events for me just don’t happen that
way. Provided I end up with a unified
reflection of what I see as ‘my life’
then I will consider the job well done.
I know, even before I start unraveling all of life’s
threads - whatever I create – I would be able to re-create in an entirely
different way if I so desired to rewrite the same accounts at a different
juncture. There is a certain symmetrical
poetry in that fact alone. Life is,
after all, an illusion – a Maurits Cornelis Escher
artwork of amazing complexity and of impossible dimensions.
Let the experimental essays begin…
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